Too high? Too low? Doesn't matter, it's just a number....

In playing a game of “I Have Never” whilst on last weekend's hen do in Dublin, it came to light, that out of my group of 12 friends present, I’d slept with the most people.

Now according to a quick google on the matter, my “Number” appears to be quite high. Distinctly above average. I’m not entirely sure what I feel about this. I’m not sure I feel anything about it really. I don’t feel ashamed of it. It doesn’t make me feel like a “slut,” and I refuse to let other people try and make me feel like one. (Happily, none of my friends on said hen party did this, and I don't think they ever would). I don’t feel particularly proud of it. It’s just….a number. It doesn’t mean anything to me.

I know the name of every single one. I can list them in order. Some were boyfriends. Some were friends. Some were colleagues. Some were complete one night stands. Some started off as one night stands but I saw them again. Some were on holiday. Some were bad. Some were good. Some were AMAZING. I don’t regret any of them. I don’t really do awkward either, so seeing them again, holding conversations etc doesn’t phase me.

The funny thing is, if you’d have said to me as a teenager, that this is how I would end up in ten years time, I’d have laughed in your face.

I was such a frigid girl. Sex TERRIFIED me. Friends were losing their virginity/doing things with boys around me left right and centre, and I was just scared.

I lost my virginity at 17. It wasn’t great. It was with my boyfriend at the time, and the whole thing was so traumatic I only ever had sex with him again once. I think we went out for like 2 years? Dear lord.

Next time was with my first boyfriend I acquired at university, which was over  a year since I’d last had sex, and I’m pretty sure my hymen regrew or something, as that wasn’t much better as experiences go. Luckily, he’d only slept with one other person as well (which also seemed like it had been a bit of a disaster), so we were well matched. However, even after we broke up I don’t think I had sex for about a year. Heck, I barely even kissed anyone. Still fairly frigid it seems.

Things didn’t take off until Uni BoyFriend Number 2, aka The Ex, aka ToryBoy etc etc. Things started off slowly in the sex department, but as I got older, I got more confident, and you know, I was totally in love with this boy, it was great.

We broke up nearly 3 years ago now. I moved to London on a Sunday, started my first ever proper job on the Monday, he dumped me a week later. CHEERS! He was number 6.

And that’s when the number started to escalate. Single, heart broken girl, living in London for the first time. Yeah, you know how it goes.

(As an aside – what the heck do you actually count? If you’ve been naked with someone, in their bed, do other things but not actually have sex, does that count? How about if you both want to, and are prepared to, but the guy can’t get it up? Or, if it’s sort of there, but the erection’s so weak that you struggle to even get it in, and once there get about 3 thrusts before abandoning it? DOES THAT COUNT?? Bloody minefield this number malarkey.)

Since breaking up with The Ex, I’ve changed and grown so much compared to how I used to be. And I’m glad. I’ll always be thankful to The Ex for giving me that confidence. I didn’t think I’d ever end up here, going from the scared girl who was late in losing her virginity, to the woman who’s had her fair share of men and who just bloody LOVES SEX.

It almost feels like you’re not allowed, or not supposed to say that as a woman. You definitely weren’t allowed to fifty years ago. Things have changed yes, things are still changing (I could mention Fifty Shades of Crap here, but I won’t), it is more acceptable for women to talk about their sexuality, yes of course.

But having a so called “high” number is still looked down on. There was a film out a few years ago called, “What’s your number?”

Now I’ve not actually seen it, but based on the premise of it, I know I’d hate it, and it would probably be incredibly shit. Basically the main character reads a shitty magazine article which states that if you’ve slept with over 20 men then you’ll never get married, or some bollocks to that effect.

....

I don’t even know where to START with that crock of shit.

No wait, actually I do: Who even says that the main character WANTS to get married, huh?? Oh yeah, society. Crap. Forgot about that one. You’re not allowed to not get married, because then you’re WEIRD.

And what if the guy’s slept with more than 20? Does that mean he’ll never get married either? And literally why does it make a difference? If anything, doesn’t it mean she’ll be good at sex? WHY IS THAT A BAD THING?? Why is doing lots of  something that’s fun and exciting and enjoyable, and possibly one of the most natural things in the world a negative?

</digress>

Ok, so before I get more angry about this ridiculous rom-com and it’s patriarchal slut-shaming ways I’m going to conclude. I like sex, and I refuse to apologise for that, or feel ashamed by it. I never used to enjoy it, but by god I'm glad I've changed.