The First Date, aka Breaking All of "The Rules"

There's a lot of advice for dating out there. A lot of "rules." A lot of "don't do this on a first date." A lot of "don't text them too much," or do this, or do that. And definitely "Don't sleep with someone on the first date." And I guess some of it could be good advice?

And then, sometimes you meet someone, who you have just so much in common, that it's just so easy to talk to, that you are just so on *fire* with in bed, that suddenly all these rules and regulations about what you *should* do when dating somebody new just go take a flying jump out of a 25 storey window.....

***

This has essentially happened to me in the last ten days. Let's rewind to just under three weeks ago, a fairly benign Wednesday. I got a message on OkC from a guy who on a cursory glance was pretty hot. 92% match rate (which basically means he's probably into some kind of kink, and likely a Dominant). His opening gambit on his profile was, "Not looking for anything serious, just someone to get wicked drunk with and eat double stuff Oreos."

I was cool with that. I replied to his message which set off an entire days worth of easy flowing conversation over text, culminating with him asking me out for a drink. Unfortunately this couldn't actually be done until over a week later, on the following Friday. We spend the entirety of the next week, messaging a LOT. I get really bloody excited for the date because he seems really REALLY cool. So Friday finally arrives, and, as first dates go, this was has got to be possibly My Best One Ever. (NB by this point I've nicknamed him Radio Boy, or RB for short, because he's a producer for a local radio station. Original af, I know....)

We met at a outdoor bar in the trendy hipster part of town, the sun was shining and he walked in looking 100% bang tidy. He has the most incredible piercing blue eyes, and a perfect white grin. I was lost in the smile instantaneously. And he was well dressed. Like trendy, but not dickhead hipster in dungarees trendy. I can't even remember exactly what we talked about, but it was relaxed and easy going, and we have so bloody much in common. From tastes in music, to going to festivals, to films to morals and ethics around drugs and going out, to how frustrating it is that EVERYONE IS BLOODY GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES, how we never ever want to start sleepwalking through life....I mean, we even had a conversation about how Finn and Poe Dameron from The Force Awakens are *definitely* gay. (Seriously, talking to me about Star Wars? Major points).

We moved onto another bar, and after a drink or two ended up sitting side by side on a bench in a little alcove. Who knows what I was saying but in the middle of a conversation we just looked at each other, and then all of a sudden we were kissing and fuck me, I nearly fell off my seat. 

I think by this point it may have been around midnight as we were kicked out of that bar, so walked into the main part of town. Stopped off at a tequila bar ran by some friends of his (he used to work as a barman, and hence seems to now know ALL barmen). Moved onto a cosy little absinthe cocktail bar where we stayed until three am talking about bloody Game of Thrones and how incredible it is, interspersed with more snogging. 

(I think by this point I was fairly smitten).

3am comes and goes....and there's only one way this is ending. I ask if he wants to come back to mine. He was quite surprised by this, but agreed...

My flatmates aren't in, so we sit in the kitchen after making some final gin and tonics. We start kissing again, and getting carried away I drop to my knees, unbutton his trousers, and start sucking him off right there. Obviously this doesn't last long as I need to get him upstairs to my bedroom.

Now. As I previously mentioned, this man had a high % match with me on OkC. I mention D/s on my own profile, and his opening message to me ended with "oh, and points for the D/s line." So I obviously had an inkling that he was going to Dominantly inclined. 

And oh boy. He was. 

I'll just leave these here as an example of what the night entailed.....

Next morning he had to go to work around lunchtime, but immediately wanted to set up seeing me again the next night, as well as "doing something next week more proper than just burying my head between your thighs"... which I duly agreed to. Sunday night was a repeat, incredible performance. And he gave off a vibe that he was enjoying it as much as me... 

"You tick a lot of boxes."

"I definitely wasn't expecting to end up in bed with you."

"This has gone a lot better than I imagined."


This isn't how it's meant to go! It's not meant to be this easy! You're not meant to click with someone this hard and this well so quickly. You're meant to play by the rules, and play it cool and and and.......

Ghosting

Ghosting.


According to Urban Dictionary:

"The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating but no long wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested."



It's happened to everyone. To be honest, everyone has probably done it themselves. I'm sure I probably have in the past. But certainly in the last year, if I've gone on a date and not been interested I've made an effort to tell the guy. And I certainly won't be doing it again to anyone else in the future.
Which brings me to recent events. AKA When I Got Ghosted and Got Really Fucking Annoyed About It.

I met ScorTish at my mum's Moving to Scotland with her Fiance garden party. I was completely expecting the party to be full of her 50-60 year old mates. Who granted, are good fun, but certainly not anyone I would be looking to bang. What I wasn't expecting was a young blonde Scottish man in his twenties to be there, who absolutely fit as fuck with the most gorgeous Scottish accent, (what can I say I am an absolute SUCKER for a regional accent).Turns out he works with my mum's partner at the same school. He was also there with a woman in her twenties and I assumed they were together. 

After meeting we all decided to go into town around midnight (plus my gay flatmate who was also at the party), the other girl revealed she was going to go home to her girlfriend. So it was down to the three of us. We went to a great little indie bar and spent the rest of the night chatting and dancing, and then I proceeded to start kissing ScorTish whilst my flatmate essentially third-wheeled around us (sorry Sean!)

ScorTish came back to mine and we had some BANGING sex. He was pretty rough and went at me like an absolute jackhammer. Slipped in a "Good Girl" or two. Highly enjoyable. 

Next morning we went out for brunch and coffee, came back to mine, fucked some more, played MarioKart on the N64, had a nap, then had some more sex. It was just fucking awesome. Got his number, he seemed keen to meet up again.




Cue a week of fairly constant messaging, set up a date. He seems wonderful. Really fucking clever (1st in MATHS at Imperial), decided to be a teacher in a rough school than go into a soulless banking job (which he would have walked into and be being paid a HELL of a lot more), got promoted to head of maths within 2 years etc etc, musical - plays the guitar, into the same kind of music, goes to festivals. Go on date, go to a few different bars. Get on pretty well! The night ends with him back at mine for a repeat run. He leaves pretty early to go back to his to sort out a fridge getting delivered.....




....and that was it. The last I heard from him. No messages for a day or two. And my gut kicked in....this was different. He'd been messaging constantly the week before. I knew something was up. And once again, my gut was 100% right. I wish it was wrong sometimes, you know??



So, I sent a message asking if he wanted to meet up again. Which got ignored. The dreaded "double blue ticks" appeared on Whatsapp. Seriously, those fucking blue ticks need to do one. I went into serious meltdown mode on Twitter about it, but luckily some absolute babes on there (holla guys!) calmed me down.

24 hours later I sent: "Does the radio silence mean that's a no then?" Which also got ignored. 

Not going to lie, I was pretty upset at first. I really quite liked this guy. I then, then I just got royally pissed off. Would it kill you to just send a "thanks but no thanks"? It takes NOTHING. It's just fucking RUDE to ghost someone. Especially someone who's mum is marrying your really quite good friend. Anyway. I composed this kick ass message, but I never actually sent it because you know what? He didn't deserve the satisfaction.

"Don't worry, I've got the message loud and clear so this will be the last text you get from me. You don't want to see me again, that's fine. But really, ignoring me until I go away is childish and actually just plain fucking rude, especially given how we met and who you know. (Mum's fiance) seems to think a lot of you but to me that seems a bit mistaken. It really doesn't take much to have a bit of respect to just say "sorry I don't think I want to see you again," and if you're being a proper grown up you could even stretch to a reason why! I guess I just don't understand what's happened because I thought we were having fun? Obviously got that wrong. I also thought you weren't a ghosting fuckboy as well but there we go. Have a good one."

And about 3 days later I was over the dickhead.




Knocked down thirty three, get up thirty four....