Tomorrow I move down to London. Tonight is my last ever night in this house, because my mum is due to move out in about 2 weeks, and so I will never return here. I've lived here since I was 7, and it's always been "home." No longer.
Yes, I moved out at 18 to go to university, but the terms were only 8 weeks long, and so I probably spent more time at home than away. It wasn't until 2009 that I properly left for London, and even then I returned after a year.
But now, when I leave tomorrow, it really will be for the last time. Tonight will be the last time I sit in my living room and watch TV, eat in my kitchen, sleep in my room. It really is the end of a chapter and I am in parts incredibly sad. But then I remind myself that a massively new part of my life is literally just beginning and I am right on the very cusp of it. Tomorrow and next week I will be meeting a hell of a lot of new people, and who knows who is going to be in it! (Love of my life? We'll see...)
But. Back to my house. I have some amazing memories that took place here, and I'll never be able to drive or walk past without stopping and looking and remembering. I lost my virginity here. Not the best memory in the world, admittedly. I had my amazing 21st Birthday Party here. All of my previously happy Christmases. I found out I got into medical school sat at my desk. I had secret house parties. I've had countless people to stay after nights out. I've had horrific arguments with my mother, and watched horrific arguments between my parents.
In short, I've grown up here. And now, it's time to leave.
Saturday 3 September 2011
Friday 12 August 2011
Berlin broke us.
So my trip to Berlin was organised in a fairly impromptu manner. My friend Nicola had rather flippantly posted a Groupon voucher on facebook, which was 2 nights for 2 for £160. She thought it was for that weekend and so was making a bit of a joke about it, but once we looked into the small print and found out it was for anytime in August we bought it. Then sorted out easyjet flights and a hostel to stay a few more days.
So we arrived into Berlin late afternoon on Wednesday and made our way to the hotel in the north east of the city. We then made the mistake of walking into the Center - Alexanderplatz. It took fucking years. Didn't do that again.
Alexanderplatz is a large central area, completely covered in concrete. It's overshadowed by the TV Tower, and has lots of shops, bars and Market stalls. We stopped off into a bar for some food and drinks.
The TV Tower
Once the sun set we headed off to look for somewhere new. Following "The Book" aka our Lonely Planet Berlin guide we wandered until we stumbled down an alleyway and found Eschscheloraque - a small cocktail bar, with some quite freaky statues/art works dotted around. We had 4 different cocktails here, Nic kept orderring ones containing milk/creme by accident. And we all know how that one ends.
Eschscheloraque
When we left and attempted a move back to the hotel we got lost. Very lost. I hadn't realised quite how drunk I'd got. I remember getting to a tram stop and just staring at the screen and saying, "But WHY is there no M5? WHY is there just M2?" couldn't work it out. In the end we gave up and got a taxi home.
Breakfast was free at the hotel. However, we woke up at 11 after it had stopped. My head hurt. My head hurt BAD. 2 glasses of wine, followed by Long Island Iced Tea followed by 3 different cocktails = mixed drinks = baaad.
We managed to get out of bed around midday and made our way into the centre in order to "do culture." We went to see the Brandenburg Gate, then walked over to The Reichstag. Unfortunately to go inside and tour the Reichstag you have to book online. 3 days in advance :/
So we looked at the outside of it.
Brandenburg Gate
The outside of The Reichstag
We then visited the Holocaust memorial, which is hundreds of grey concrete blocks, of varying heights, placed over undulating ground.
Holocaust Memorial
We also went to the gay memorial in the park, which is another single large block with a peephole in one end, which when you look through shows two men kissing.
Gay Memorial
We carried on south to Potsdamer Platz, a new development area and visited the TV& Film Museum. Was alright. Had a coke in The Worlds Most Expensive Cafe in The Sony Centre.
The Sony Centre
Purdy but expensive cafe
German dessert. I.e. giant muller corner youghurt
Thursday night was possibly the best night of the trip. We made our way to Prenzlaur Berg in the north. On the way to the bar we got prepositioned by a gross man who was literally DRIPPING in sweat. He shouted something at us from over the road whilst wheeling a bike. We ignored him a bit, his mate sort of shrugged as if to say, "Yeah, he's wierd," before the man crossed the road, then mumbled something incoherent and gestured over his shoulder. Ummm right mate, cos CLEARLY we're going to both go and have sex with you in an alleyway somewhere, with your gross sweaty face VOM.
Anyway
We went to a bar called Klub Der Republic. It was on the first floor, un-signposted, with the stairway up to the entrance down an alleyway. You could very easily walk past and not realise it was there. Once in it was a medium sized room, bar on one side DJ on the other. Minimal decor, what I would describe as "GDR chic," mismatched chairs, old TVs looping footage, funky light coverings.
The outside of KDR, i.e. a window, and signless.
The bar.
We were at the bar ordering drinks when a girl came up to Nic and said, "Nic! I was at your flat last weekend!" her name was Amy, and she was friends with Nic's housemate! Now living in Berlin and working as a teacher, small world eh?
It then turns out that Amy is in a band with the DJ who is from....Liverpool. Mental. said DJ is called Chris and is, quite frankly, one of the best DJ's I've ever seen play. I loved literally every song he played. Perfect Indie Disco. Think The Cure followed by The Smiths followed by Blondie followed by Hot Chip followed by Vampire Weekend followed by Human League. I had such such SUCH a good time.
We didn't leave until it got light at about 6am. First train home and all that. There were definitely commuters on that train.
Getting home
We very nearly slept in over our checkout time. We obviously missed breakfast again. We crawled over the road to KFC. I'm not proud of this. I barely go to fast food places in the uk, feel even worse about doing it when I'm on holiday. But my god, were those chicken nuggets good.
We'd been checked out of the hotel but we couldn't go to the hostel yet so we went to a park and slept. Mmm trampy.
Park Nap
More chips/houmous was consumed and we did more culture. This involved going to the big Synagogue at 4pm on a Friday. FAIL. It was obviously closing for the sabbath. So again we had a nice look at it from the outside. Further down the road was a place called Tacheles.
Bit hard to describe - it was a large warehouse type building, concrete with 6 or so floors. One of the last remaining squats, every square inch was covered in graffiti. Lots of floors with people selling artworks, displaying pairings and art installations. V cool.
Tacheles
We then had to go back to the hostel and sleep. The other people in our dorm made an appearance, they were 2 girls and a guy from Limerick who were inter-railing. They also came in, chatted for a bit then passed out.
Later that evening after food, we had some drinks in the hostel's (cheap) bar and ventured out with the Irish guys, plus a fairly random Australian called Luke who seemingly appeared from nowhere. Went down into Friedrichstain and ended up in a fairly hardcore techno club. I sat outside in the narrow garden by the river and chatted to the v cute Irish boy.
Outside in the garden
We rather stupidly didn't get any of their surname though so no keeping in touch :(
We stayed out again til it got light (recurrng theme). The Irish were meant to be leaving on the first train to Prague. They failed. Lots of alarms went off and were ignored. Haha.
We missed free breakfast. Again.
Saturday was BOILING. we went to the zoo. It was boss. Much bigger, much better, and also a lot cheaper than London zoo. Here would be some of the animals.
Stinky llama face.
Sloth
A ver ver ver hot bear
After we passed out a bit longer with our feet in the canal, again more daytime sleeping. Are you catching the general drift here?
Very pretty
Saturday was...surreal. We traveled fairly far into East Kreuzberg to Amy's flat. Which was gorg. In a scummy doorway into a scummy courtyard, but inside flat was bootiful. Wooden floors, gorgeous decorations, very cool. Her German flatmate and French best mate were there, and then a lesbian film maker from St Albans turned up wearing knee high socks and sandals. See what I mean about surreal? We got a bit more drunk there, then the scouse DJ from Thursday turned up with 2 Geordie mates. We listened to Jennifer Lopez on instruction of the shaven-headed lesbian.
We left the flat and went to a small pub round the corner, where we were the only punters. The bar was a wooden table, and the till was a big leather purse. The only barmaid was a cute blonde girl with a cropped pixie haircut. A guy Amy knew started playing the guitar so she went back to get her violin to join in. They played a song or two, a few more people came in.
That would be the bar
Then, THEN it all went wierd(er). A guy came in, who I can only describe as a pirate. He had shoulder length dreads, a tricore hat on, sparkly leggings covered with a shawl. He was followed by an equally hippy girl, and then....A FILM CREW. One guy with a proper camera another with one of those furry mic things.
He then took his turn to sing a song and the girl played a flute. I just remember sitting on the barstool, in a smoky room, with about a dozen or so people watching this utterly bizarre act unfolding before me, fairly fucking pissed, and thinking, "I am going to remember this for the rest of my life as one of The Most surreal, downright wierd, but kind of amazing experiences I have ever had." Then some dancing got started, there was a bit of a fight, but the vodka was having a real effect on me by now.
Look closely and you can see the "pirate"
At some point, (god knows when) Chris the scouse DJ and his mates rocked up and were like, "This place is wierd and shit, we're taking you somewhere good," which actually turned into a lot of walking, going into a tiny cellar for ten minutes, watching a northern irish man do some amazing 70s dancing and then leave, then walk some more, buy disgusting fake red bull drinks, walk even more, have an abortive attempt at using a photobooth, then end up in a scary as hell hardcore punk bar, where once again, it started to get light. At this point I'd started feeling decidedly dodgy, and refused to get a drink, which I got massive down the banks for. Wasn't having that, so kicked off a bit, before running outside because of the smoke.
Seriously, the smoke in Berlin! God knows what the smoking ban actually is out there, I don't think anyone there knows, but the rules seems to be "If someone else is smoking inside you can too." And yes, I KNOW we used to have it here as well, but it came into place pretty shortly after I started going out, so I am used to being able to BREATHE in places. It just got to me in that punk place, I genuinely felt like I couldn't breathe. That cut short the end of that one really and we traipsed back to the hostel to pass out again.
Sunday morning was bad. So wretchedly hungover. Of course no breakfast. Got up around midday, undecided whether I was going to be sick or was so hungry my stomach was in pain. We went into central town and took probably a good hour wandering around looking at restaurants deciding what to eat. At about 5pm I felt human again, and we did more of that culture thing at the Berlin Cathedral, climbing about a gazillion steps to get to the top. Wandered through some markets, watched some acrobatic street art.
Berlin Cathedral
Street acrobats
Went home. Early night. Four nights of coming home in the early hours, followed by not enough sleep, with too much booze, too much passive smoking and eating utter shit definitely took its toll....Completely broken.
Yummy thai food
Monday - WE MADE FREE BREAKFAST. then went to meet Amy for lunch in a backstreet pizza place. Inadvertently ordered an entire pizza by accident - which was 3 euros! I thought I'd only get a slice for that! Had a really nice chat with Amy about why she moved out and why she loved it so much. To be honest, could totally see where she was coming from, Berlin is an attractive and fun city. We had a few hours before our flight, so we tootled down to The East Side Gallery, which is about a kilometre of the Berlin Wall - the longest stretch that is left remaining. It has been completely covered with paintings/murals:
And then it was hometime! Back to England. Back to the rain. Back to the riots and the mess. The whole thing has made me really re-consider living in England once I qualify. There are just so many other amazing cities and countries and I've hardly experienced any of them. Bloody LOVED Berlin
So we arrived into Berlin late afternoon on Wednesday and made our way to the hotel in the north east of the city. We then made the mistake of walking into the Center - Alexanderplatz. It took fucking years. Didn't do that again.
Alexanderplatz is a large central area, completely covered in concrete. It's overshadowed by the TV Tower, and has lots of shops, bars and Market stalls. We stopped off into a bar for some food and drinks.
The TV Tower
Once the sun set we headed off to look for somewhere new. Following "The Book" aka our Lonely Planet Berlin guide we wandered until we stumbled down an alleyway and found Eschscheloraque - a small cocktail bar, with some quite freaky statues/art works dotted around. We had 4 different cocktails here, Nic kept orderring ones containing milk/creme by accident. And we all know how that one ends.
Eschscheloraque
When we left and attempted a move back to the hotel we got lost. Very lost. I hadn't realised quite how drunk I'd got. I remember getting to a tram stop and just staring at the screen and saying, "But WHY is there no M5? WHY is there just M2?" couldn't work it out. In the end we gave up and got a taxi home.
Breakfast was free at the hotel. However, we woke up at 11 after it had stopped. My head hurt. My head hurt BAD. 2 glasses of wine, followed by Long Island Iced Tea followed by 3 different cocktails = mixed drinks = baaad.
We managed to get out of bed around midday and made our way into the centre in order to "do culture." We went to see the Brandenburg Gate, then walked over to The Reichstag. Unfortunately to go inside and tour the Reichstag you have to book online. 3 days in advance :/
So we looked at the outside of it.
Brandenburg Gate
The outside of The Reichstag
We then visited the Holocaust memorial, which is hundreds of grey concrete blocks, of varying heights, placed over undulating ground.
Holocaust Memorial
We also went to the gay memorial in the park, which is another single large block with a peephole in one end, which when you look through shows two men kissing.
Gay Memorial
We carried on south to Potsdamer Platz, a new development area and visited the TV& Film Museum. Was alright. Had a coke in The Worlds Most Expensive Cafe in The Sony Centre.
The Sony Centre
Purdy but expensive cafe
German dessert. I.e. giant muller corner youghurt
Thursday night was possibly the best night of the trip. We made our way to Prenzlaur Berg in the north. On the way to the bar we got prepositioned by a gross man who was literally DRIPPING in sweat. He shouted something at us from over the road whilst wheeling a bike. We ignored him a bit, his mate sort of shrugged as if to say, "Yeah, he's wierd," before the man crossed the road, then mumbled something incoherent and gestured over his shoulder. Ummm right mate, cos CLEARLY we're going to both go and have sex with you in an alleyway somewhere, with your gross sweaty face VOM.
Anyway
We went to a bar called Klub Der Republic. It was on the first floor, un-signposted, with the stairway up to the entrance down an alleyway. You could very easily walk past and not realise it was there. Once in it was a medium sized room, bar on one side DJ on the other. Minimal decor, what I would describe as "GDR chic," mismatched chairs, old TVs looping footage, funky light coverings.
The outside of KDR, i.e. a window, and signless.
The bar.
We were at the bar ordering drinks when a girl came up to Nic and said, "Nic! I was at your flat last weekend!" her name was Amy, and she was friends with Nic's housemate! Now living in Berlin and working as a teacher, small world eh?
It then turns out that Amy is in a band with the DJ who is from....Liverpool. Mental. said DJ is called Chris and is, quite frankly, one of the best DJ's I've ever seen play. I loved literally every song he played. Perfect Indie Disco. Think The Cure followed by The Smiths followed by Blondie followed by Hot Chip followed by Vampire Weekend followed by Human League. I had such such SUCH a good time.
We didn't leave until it got light at about 6am. First train home and all that. There were definitely commuters on that train.
Getting home
We very nearly slept in over our checkout time. We obviously missed breakfast again. We crawled over the road to KFC. I'm not proud of this. I barely go to fast food places in the uk, feel even worse about doing it when I'm on holiday. But my god, were those chicken nuggets good.
We'd been checked out of the hotel but we couldn't go to the hostel yet so we went to a park and slept. Mmm trampy.
Park Nap
More chips/houmous was consumed and we did more culture. This involved going to the big Synagogue at 4pm on a Friday. FAIL. It was obviously closing for the sabbath. So again we had a nice look at it from the outside. Further down the road was a place called Tacheles.
Bit hard to describe - it was a large warehouse type building, concrete with 6 or so floors. One of the last remaining squats, every square inch was covered in graffiti. Lots of floors with people selling artworks, displaying pairings and art installations. V cool.
Tacheles
We then had to go back to the hostel and sleep. The other people in our dorm made an appearance, they were 2 girls and a guy from Limerick who were inter-railing. They also came in, chatted for a bit then passed out.
Later that evening after food, we had some drinks in the hostel's (cheap) bar and ventured out with the Irish guys, plus a fairly random Australian called Luke who seemingly appeared from nowhere. Went down into Friedrichstain and ended up in a fairly hardcore techno club. I sat outside in the narrow garden by the river and chatted to the v cute Irish boy.
Outside in the garden
We rather stupidly didn't get any of their surname though so no keeping in touch :(
We stayed out again til it got light (recurrng theme). The Irish were meant to be leaving on the first train to Prague. They failed. Lots of alarms went off and were ignored. Haha.
We missed free breakfast. Again.
Saturday was BOILING. we went to the zoo. It was boss. Much bigger, much better, and also a lot cheaper than London zoo. Here would be some of the animals.
Stinky llama face.
Sloth
A ver ver ver hot bear
After we passed out a bit longer with our feet in the canal, again more daytime sleeping. Are you catching the general drift here?
Very pretty
Saturday was...surreal. We traveled fairly far into East Kreuzberg to Amy's flat. Which was gorg. In a scummy doorway into a scummy courtyard, but inside flat was bootiful. Wooden floors, gorgeous decorations, very cool. Her German flatmate and French best mate were there, and then a lesbian film maker from St Albans turned up wearing knee high socks and sandals. See what I mean about surreal? We got a bit more drunk there, then the scouse DJ from Thursday turned up with 2 Geordie mates. We listened to Jennifer Lopez on instruction of the shaven-headed lesbian.
We left the flat and went to a small pub round the corner, where we were the only punters. The bar was a wooden table, and the till was a big leather purse. The only barmaid was a cute blonde girl with a cropped pixie haircut. A guy Amy knew started playing the guitar so she went back to get her violin to join in. They played a song or two, a few more people came in.
That would be the bar
Then, THEN it all went wierd(er). A guy came in, who I can only describe as a pirate. He had shoulder length dreads, a tricore hat on, sparkly leggings covered with a shawl. He was followed by an equally hippy girl, and then....A FILM CREW. One guy with a proper camera another with one of those furry mic things.
He then took his turn to sing a song and the girl played a flute. I just remember sitting on the barstool, in a smoky room, with about a dozen or so people watching this utterly bizarre act unfolding before me, fairly fucking pissed, and thinking, "I am going to remember this for the rest of my life as one of The Most surreal, downright wierd, but kind of amazing experiences I have ever had." Then some dancing got started, there was a bit of a fight, but the vodka was having a real effect on me by now.
Look closely and you can see the "pirate"
At some point, (god knows when) Chris the scouse DJ and his mates rocked up and were like, "This place is wierd and shit, we're taking you somewhere good," which actually turned into a lot of walking, going into a tiny cellar for ten minutes, watching a northern irish man do some amazing 70s dancing and then leave, then walk some more, buy disgusting fake red bull drinks, walk even more, have an abortive attempt at using a photobooth, then end up in a scary as hell hardcore punk bar, where once again, it started to get light. At this point I'd started feeling decidedly dodgy, and refused to get a drink, which I got massive down the banks for. Wasn't having that, so kicked off a bit, before running outside because of the smoke.
Seriously, the smoke in Berlin! God knows what the smoking ban actually is out there, I don't think anyone there knows, but the rules seems to be "If someone else is smoking inside you can too." And yes, I KNOW we used to have it here as well, but it came into place pretty shortly after I started going out, so I am used to being able to BREATHE in places. It just got to me in that punk place, I genuinely felt like I couldn't breathe. That cut short the end of that one really and we traipsed back to the hostel to pass out again.
Sunday morning was bad. So wretchedly hungover. Of course no breakfast. Got up around midday, undecided whether I was going to be sick or was so hungry my stomach was in pain. We went into central town and took probably a good hour wandering around looking at restaurants deciding what to eat. At about 5pm I felt human again, and we did more of that culture thing at the Berlin Cathedral, climbing about a gazillion steps to get to the top. Wandered through some markets, watched some acrobatic street art.
Berlin Cathedral
Street acrobats
Went home. Early night. Four nights of coming home in the early hours, followed by not enough sleep, with too much booze, too much passive smoking and eating utter shit definitely took its toll....Completely broken.
Yummy thai food
Monday - WE MADE FREE BREAKFAST. then went to meet Amy for lunch in a backstreet pizza place. Inadvertently ordered an entire pizza by accident - which was 3 euros! I thought I'd only get a slice for that! Had a really nice chat with Amy about why she moved out and why she loved it so much. To be honest, could totally see where she was coming from, Berlin is an attractive and fun city. We had a few hours before our flight, so we tootled down to The East Side Gallery, which is about a kilometre of the Berlin Wall - the longest stretch that is left remaining. It has been completely covered with paintings/murals:
And then it was hometime! Back to England. Back to the rain. Back to the riots and the mess. The whole thing has made me really re-consider living in England once I qualify. There are just so many other amazing cities and countries and I've hardly experienced any of them. Bloody LOVED Berlin
Tuesday 12 July 2011
Throw another shrimp on the barby!
Whenever someone starts a game of “I Have Never” (and this seems to happen a lot with me, I think some people are just incredibly nosey), quite often the phrase, “I have never….been walked in on having sex” comes up. Up until quite recently this had never happened to me, but within the last 4 months it has happened twice. It probably should be excruciatingly embarrassing, but after I decided to stop “doing awkward” when it came to things like this I now find it all rather amusing.
First time it happened it could be argued that it was ever so slightly inevitable, given the circumstances. The circumstances being me, plus 4 men all sleeping in one room whilst on a skiing holiday. One of my friends from school has an apartment, so it was me, her, her boyfriend, plus four of her colleagues. The apartment had one bedroom, which she obviously took, with the rest of us in the living room on couches, or alternatively, the floor.
Anyway, things had been going well with one of the boys, who back at the time I christened NB on Twitter (short for New Boy, yes I am THAT original, and was hoping something might come of it). Unfortunately he is, well, nothing now, but we shall stick with NB in lieu of a better name.
About half of the group had come back to the apartment for lunch, with some others going to the swimming pool. NB and I lazed around, making it quite clear what our intentions were until everyone cleared off, and then we got down to business.
Unfortunately the two guys who had been at the swimming pool decided to return and no matter how much you claim otherwise, it’s fairly obvious what two people under a duvet that won’t come out have been up to. Incident #1.
Incident #2 happened last Friday. I’d been out to the London Zoo Lates with some friends, which was all very civilised. We then proceeded out to the bastion of high class that is Infernoes. Mmmm carpeted clubs.
N.B. - for anyone who doesn’t know Infernoes is an extremely man-heavy nightclub and may or may not have been described as a “meat-market.” There's an equivalent club in every major city in the UK. Yes, it’s fairly vile, but I do-not-give-a-flying-shit, if I can have fun there then that’s all that matters. (Last time I was there I did end up crying, but only because I lost all my friends and it was my birthday.)
An example of the standard of chat in there:
Man walks up to me: You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Please let me buy you a bottle of champagne?
Me: Errrr….ok?
Man: Where are you from?
Me: Liverpool.
Man walks off. THE BLOODY CHEEK!! I would have smashed that bottle over his head if he’d given me a chance.
Back to the main point of the story - in short, my excellent wing-woman found a HOOOOT Australian guy, who was made approx 20% hotter because of his accent. He is also with about a million other crazy pissed Australians, but I disregarded this, a mistake which would come back to haunt me. The club kicks us out and we attempt to hail a taxi. Aussie Boy (AB) can’t remember the name of his road, and instead just says “Clapham.” Considering we were in Clapham at the time, the taxi drives off, rather understandably. We wander around for a bit longer before AB finally does remember the name of his road, and we get there, go into the front room, and he starts pulling down a double mattress that has been leaning against the wall.
Now, alarm bells probably should have been going off at this point, especially considering the number of backpacks and sleeping bags in the room. What can I say, hindsight is a mighty fine thing. Also, it was dark, and I was drunk.
Bit later (not that much later), I hear the remainder of the million other Aussies get in and start having a conversation in what I presume was the kitchen. Bit after that, when we are stark naked and literally in the middle of things, one knocks on the door and says something along the lines of, “We’re coming in soon, we want to go to sleep,”
AB yells, “NO, give us a minute,” –
He replies: “Nah, we’ve given you 15 minutes (15!!! WTF?? Is this the Australian average?? In which case, remind me never to go there), we’re coming in now” and they give us literally, I would say 5 seconds? During which I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast to roll AB off me, grab a sleeping bag, rip it out of its cover and throw it over the both of us.
In proceeds at least 4 other Aussies, who it transpires, are using the front room as their bedroom. Great. Now there’s only really one way you can play being completely naked under a sleeping bag, on a mattress, in a strange house with a load of Antipodeans you’ve only just met – brazenly. And like you Do Not Care.
So I sat up and started a conversation with them. They were actually all very nice, and not at all bemused to find themselves talking to a naked English girl. Probably happens quite often with them. Can’t really remember many details about what I asked them apart from –
“So, how long have you been here?”
“Oh, since Tuesday.”
That would be a grand total of 3 days. They’d pretty much just got off the plane.
Needless to say I didn’t hang around for long in the morning. Morning sex is pretty much off the cards when there’s 3 people on the mattress next to you.
Turns out I’d ended up somewhere near Brixton. Thank god for Google Maps and emergency flip flops in your bag, that’s all I can say.
First time it happened it could be argued that it was ever so slightly inevitable, given the circumstances. The circumstances being me, plus 4 men all sleeping in one room whilst on a skiing holiday. One of my friends from school has an apartment, so it was me, her, her boyfriend, plus four of her colleagues. The apartment had one bedroom, which she obviously took, with the rest of us in the living room on couches, or alternatively, the floor.
Anyway, things had been going well with one of the boys, who back at the time I christened NB on Twitter (short for New Boy, yes I am THAT original, and was hoping something might come of it). Unfortunately he is, well, nothing now, but we shall stick with NB in lieu of a better name.
About half of the group had come back to the apartment for lunch, with some others going to the swimming pool. NB and I lazed around, making it quite clear what our intentions were until everyone cleared off, and then we got down to business.
Unfortunately the two guys who had been at the swimming pool decided to return and no matter how much you claim otherwise, it’s fairly obvious what two people under a duvet that won’t come out have been up to. Incident #1.
Incident #2 happened last Friday. I’d been out to the London Zoo Lates with some friends, which was all very civilised. We then proceeded out to the bastion of high class that is Infernoes. Mmmm carpeted clubs.
N.B. - for anyone who doesn’t know Infernoes is an extremely man-heavy nightclub and may or may not have been described as a “meat-market.” There's an equivalent club in every major city in the UK. Yes, it’s fairly vile, but I do-not-give-a-flying-shit, if I can have fun there then that’s all that matters. (Last time I was there I did end up crying, but only because I lost all my friends and it was my birthday.)
An example of the standard of chat in there:
Man walks up to me: You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Please let me buy you a bottle of champagne?
Me: Errrr….ok?
Man: Where are you from?
Me: Liverpool.
Man walks off. THE BLOODY CHEEK!! I would have smashed that bottle over his head if he’d given me a chance.
Back to the main point of the story - in short, my excellent wing-woman found a HOOOOT Australian guy, who was made approx 20% hotter because of his accent. He is also with about a million other crazy pissed Australians, but I disregarded this, a mistake which would come back to haunt me. The club kicks us out and we attempt to hail a taxi. Aussie Boy (AB) can’t remember the name of his road, and instead just says “Clapham.” Considering we were in Clapham at the time, the taxi drives off, rather understandably. We wander around for a bit longer before AB finally does remember the name of his road, and we get there, go into the front room, and he starts pulling down a double mattress that has been leaning against the wall.
Now, alarm bells probably should have been going off at this point, especially considering the number of backpacks and sleeping bags in the room. What can I say, hindsight is a mighty fine thing. Also, it was dark, and I was drunk.
Bit later (not that much later), I hear the remainder of the million other Aussies get in and start having a conversation in what I presume was the kitchen. Bit after that, when we are stark naked and literally in the middle of things, one knocks on the door and says something along the lines of, “We’re coming in soon, we want to go to sleep,”
AB yells, “NO, give us a minute,” –
He replies: “Nah, we’ve given you 15 minutes (15!!! WTF?? Is this the Australian average?? In which case, remind me never to go there), we’re coming in now” and they give us literally, I would say 5 seconds? During which I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast to roll AB off me, grab a sleeping bag, rip it out of its cover and throw it over the both of us.
In proceeds at least 4 other Aussies, who it transpires, are using the front room as their bedroom. Great. Now there’s only really one way you can play being completely naked under a sleeping bag, on a mattress, in a strange house with a load of Antipodeans you’ve only just met – brazenly. And like you Do Not Care.
So I sat up and started a conversation with them. They were actually all very nice, and not at all bemused to find themselves talking to a naked English girl. Probably happens quite often with them. Can’t really remember many details about what I asked them apart from –
“So, how long have you been here?”
“Oh, since Tuesday.”
That would be a grand total of 3 days. They’d pretty much just got off the plane.
Needless to say I didn’t hang around for long in the morning. Morning sex is pretty much off the cards when there’s 3 people on the mattress next to you.
Turns out I’d ended up somewhere near Brixton. Thank god for Google Maps and emergency flip flops in your bag, that’s all I can say.
Sunday 10 July 2011
Pride 2011
So last Saturday was Gay Pride in central London which was a nice big gay day out for everyone involved. It was the first time I’ve ever been, so I watched the parade, standing just behind The Cutest Old Man Ever. He literally clapped every group that went past and quite a few elder gents in the parade knew him and came up for a hug. We got speaking a bit, he managed to get me lots of stickers, and was just all sorts of LOVELY. Just amazing to think how much will have changed for these guys, from being gay being a criminal offence and being sent to jail for it, to how it is now. (Obvs there’s still homophobia around, I’m not claiming we’re quite there yet, but compare society now to 60 years ago....)
Anyway, here are some nice pick-tures.
Some nice white costumes.
Sailors. Plus, a man in a Robin costume.
Army boys and girls.
RAF.
People dressed up as underwater creatures. Yes, why not.
Police and paramedics woo!
Ladies with nice bums.
Nando’s hearts the gays. They were also giving out vouchers for free chicken
Doctors and Nurses.
London Gay Orchestra
We weren’t sure what these guys were about. Then we checked out the website they had painted on them. Porn. Standard.
British Airways. Didn’t even click on that Blue were on this float until it was halfway down the street.
Best. Costumes. Ever. That’s balloons holding up their hair. Amaze.
A DOG WITH FAIRY WINGS
These guys were having a great time….
Good costumes
Look at the shoes!! Bouncy.
Dorothy. Of course.
Cambridge gays!!
This man had two stuffed foxes on his shoulders. If someone could explain WHY, that would be nice.
Swimmers! These guys were amazing. They “swam” the entire way.
Water polo. S’just an excuse to wear tiny shorts, really.
Asexuals. I like his sign.
Anyway, here are some nice pick-tures.
Some nice white costumes.
Sailors. Plus, a man in a Robin costume.
Army boys and girls.
RAF.
People dressed up as underwater creatures. Yes, why not.
Police and paramedics woo!
Ladies with nice bums.
Nando’s hearts the gays. They were also giving out vouchers for free chicken
Doctors and Nurses.
London Gay Orchestra
We weren’t sure what these guys were about. Then we checked out the website they had painted on them. Porn. Standard.
British Airways. Didn’t even click on that Blue were on this float until it was halfway down the street.
Best. Costumes. Ever. That’s balloons holding up their hair. Amaze.
A DOG WITH FAIRY WINGS
These guys were having a great time….
Good costumes
Look at the shoes!! Bouncy.
Dorothy. Of course.
Cambridge gays!!
This man had two stuffed foxes on his shoulders. If someone could explain WHY, that would be nice.
Swimmers! These guys were amazing. They “swam” the entire way.
Water polo. S’just an excuse to wear tiny shorts, really.
Asexuals. I like his sign.
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